Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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