Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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