I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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