so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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