I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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