If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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