Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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