I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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