She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize