I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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