my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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