I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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