yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize