im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize