What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize