Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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