I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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