There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize