Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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