Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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