I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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