i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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