What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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