im six kinds of drunk right now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The air taste purple.
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