Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize