i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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