Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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