I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
why is half of my head shaved?
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