I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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