Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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