the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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