you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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