So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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