The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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