I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize