And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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