i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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