She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize