The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize