soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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