so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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