if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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