the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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