And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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