my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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