I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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