Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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