There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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