I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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