just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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